


I don't want to know you(r name)

by thatchickwiththepigtails



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, And Derek is a softie, Basically No Teen Wolf but Yes Supernatural Shit, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall (mentioned) - Freeform, Stiles is the sexy weirdo we all know he is, rated for language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-20
Updated: 2019-06-20
Packaged: 2020-05-15 09:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19293037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatchickwiththepigtails/pseuds/thatchickwiththepigtails
Summary: It’s a dick pic. Of course it is. It’s not a bad dick, but it’s an unwanted dick pic. From a dick Derek has never seen before, much less last night. He’s pretty sure he would remember it, but last night he stayed at home alone.Or that time Derek "proved" he is an Alpha.





	I don't want to know you(r name)

His phone vibrates twice, like every Saturday evening for the past month. Derek rolls his eyes and checks it, already knowing who it is: 

TheNO: hey handsome 

TheNO: wanna have fun tonight? 

Derek: I’ve said no five times. How many do you need? 

TheNO: ok, just checking 

TheNO: I’m here if you change your mind ;p 

Derek doesn’t reply back. He knows this particular guy is very persistent and arguing with him won’t help at all. But he is so, so tired of this bullshit… 

 

 It all started a month ago with those exact same texts, except Derek didn’t know better and replied to them: 

Unknown number #1: hey handsome 

Unknown number #1: wanna have fun tonight? 

Derek: Sorry, who are you? 

Unknown number #1: aw, c’mon 

Unknown number #1: I’m sure you remember me 

Derek: If you don’t give at least a name, I’m sorry but no, I don’t know who you are 

Unknown number #1: it’s theo ;) 

Unknown number #1: you know 

Unknown number #1: from last night 

Unknown number #1 has sent you a picture 

 It’s a dick pic. Of course it is. It’s not a bad dick, but it’s an unwanted dick pic. From a dick Derek has never seen before, much less last night. He’s pretty sure he would remember it, but last night he stayed at home alone. 

Derek: I’m sorry man, you got the wrong number 

Unknown number #1: come on stiles, you sure you don’t want to go out tonight? 

Derek: I’m not a stiles, so no, thanks 

Unknown number #1: stop teasing me, hun. I know you wanna repeat 

 Derek sent a selfie, furrowed brows framing his angry face. 

Unknown number #1: ok, you’re not stiles 

Unknown number #1: sorry, dude 

Derek: Good luck next time 

Unknown number #1: yeah, thanks 

Unknown number #1: you’re hot, though 

Unknown number #1: wanna have fun tonight? 

 Derek immediately saved this guy’s contact as TheNO and proceeded to have the same conversation with him every weekend. 

 

 He doesn’t know what’s going on exactly, but he’s sure this Stiles person is getting laid a couple times a week. And with different men every time; men that he’s not too interested in, given the fact that he always gives them a fake phone number. So, for the last month, Derek has been tasked with rejecting those guys in behalf of Stiles and himself. Some of them, thankfully most of them, take it nicely. Others are like TheNO and keep trying anyway, and a guy even threatened him. As if Derek didn’t find this situation to be horrible enough. 

 Last night was even worse. His phone started ringing at 3 am and Derek not only jumped in bed with the surprise of being suddenly awake, but he almost levitated. Possible accidents, death, and the face of his little sister passed in front of his eyes before he rushed to pick it up. 

 “Yes! What is it?” 

 “Hey babe” a man slurred, “want you to fuck me so hard I can’t w-“ 

 “Stiles gave you a fake number” he replied, and hung up before knowing any more details. 

 

 Today he’s keeping his replies even shorter: he’s in the middle of a particularly difficult knitting situation and the distractions don’t help him. 

 “I swear to God, Lyds, I’m so full of this, I’m gonna kill someone.” 

 His friend Lydia, who happens to be a knitting goddess besides the best life advisor and theoretical mathematician he knows, sighs and asks: 

 “Stiles’ biggest fan again?” 

 “If it was just him… I can handle that weirdo, it’s the others that I can’t.” 

 “How many guys has it been?” 

 “Eleven have been texting me. Two attempts of FaceTime. Drunk guy called me last…” He stops for a second, realizes he must undo the last three rows and massages his beard in exasperation. “Drunk guy called me last night. And a lady from a gym asked me to confirm Stiles’ email.” 

 “So he’s been giving your number to any random people he meets?” 

 “Aha.” 

 “Then ask him to stop” Lydia deadpans, as if this was just as easy for Derek as lifting a small car. Which it is easy for him, actually. 

 “Don’t you think I’ve already thought of it? The thing is, he goes by Stiles and owns a cellphone. That’s all I know about him.” 

 “He always gives them the same number, because he knows it by heart.” She gets up from the beanbag she’s been relaxing and sits next to Derek, prepared to explain to him some very basic concepts. “So, he either studied this number or, more probable, his own number is very similar. Maybe he’s changing like a digit or something.” 

 “What you’re saying is, I should call some random numbers until I find him?” He frowns, not liking the plan so much. “I can’t do that!” 

 “Derek Hale, Alpha of the Hale Pack, are you afraid of a couple phone calls?” She jumps out of the couch, walking towards the kitchen. “And where are those cookies you promised me?” 

 

 Lydia is most likely right, he thinks later that night. Still, he doesn’t want to call a bunch of people that will probably hung up on him before he even knows if they’re Stiles or just another potential sufferer of Stiles’ antics. 

 But maybe… Maybe he could just text them? At least the negatives are a little bit softer in text form, right? Yeah, why not? Here goes nothing: 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you Stiles? 

XXX-XX-XXX1: no I’m kira 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Ok, sorry 

 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you Stiles? 

XXX-XX-XXX2: *seen 23:35* 

 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you Stiles? 

XXX-XX-XXX3: SORRY WHAT? 

XXX-XX-XXX3: WHAT KIND OF NAME IS THAT? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: So it’s not you. Sorry, I won’t bother you again 

 Derek is starting to lose faith in such a feeble plan. Two negatives and he’s been waiting for more than an hour for #2 to reply. Whatever, who cares. 

 Except he cares, he realizes next morning while eating the cookies he hide yesterday from Lydia’s avid hands. And the phone is beeping again, and it’s possibly…, yes it definitely is another dick pic.  And he’s so extenuated from this shit he doesn’t even get angry anymore. So he picks the phone, texts a quick “wrong number, asshole” and goes back to his manhunt: 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you Stiles? 

XXX-XX-XXX4: who dis? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: You don’t know me. My name is Derek, I’m looking for Stiles, but I think I got the wrong phone number 

XXX-XX-XXX4: yea you did, im not styles 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Ok, sorry, bye 

XXX-XX-XXX4: good luck 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Thanks 

 Derek snorts. He’s not sure who needs more luck: if himself or Stiles once he finds him and Derek’s wrath falls upon him. At least they’re not being too rude or anything, so he decides to try once more before going to work: 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you Stiles? 

XXX-XX-XXX5: Nobut I know of him 

XXX-XX-XXX5: People have been textng me thinking I’m him 

XXX-XX-XXX7: You too? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: I’ve been receiving so many dick pics meant for him I can’t stand it anymore 

XXX-XX-XXX5: Yeah,me 2 

XXX-XX-XXX5: I’ve never seenadick before and it was weird 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you, like, a kid? 

XXX-XX-XXX5: No! Just an adult lesbian 

XXX-XX-XXX5: I’m Malia, btw 

XXX-XX-XXX5: Areyou trying to find him? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Derek, nice to meet you 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Yes, a friend suggested to try numbers similar to mine 

XXX-XX-XXX7: I tried 5, 4 more to go 

XXX-XX-XXX5: If you find him.can you tell im how much I hate him? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Sure, I’ll keep you updated 

 Derek silently chuckles. Well, at least now he knows he’s not alone. 

 

 That evening after work Derek is feeling quite jumpy. He’s a professional brooder, meaning he stands still in dark alleys and scares people with his frown. It’s the perfect job for him, actually, he has a natural talent. 

 But today only one person passed by his alley and they didn’t get scared at all, so Derek feels uneasy, like he’s not been focused enough. If he could solve this Stiles problem, he would be back to normal, no doubt. Okay, let’s try one more time: 

XXX-XX-XXX7: Are you Stiles? 

XXX-XX-XXX6: yes? 

XXX-XX-XXX6: do I know you? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: You son of a bitch 

XXX-XX-XXX7: You don’t realize who I am, do you? 

XXX-XX-XXX6: should I? 

XXX-XX-XXX6: listen, I just moved and I’m meeting a lot of new people 

XXX-XX-XXX6: are you Peter? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: No 

XXX-XX-XXX6: Corey? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: No 

XXX-XX-XXX6: Jennifer? 

XXX-XX-XXX7: I’m so fucking tired of this shit 

 Derek decides to just go for it. He’s very angry, but he’s also curious. Why are there so many people obsessed with Stiles? So instead of texting back, he FaceTimes him. 

 “Pick up, pick up. Pick up, asshole, pick the fuck u… Do you wanna know who the fuck I am?” He screams when Stiles finally picks up. But he stops for a second, because Stiles is actually pretty cute. In a lanky, non-threatening, weird kind of way. Almost like the main character of a YA film, perfectly manufactured so teenage girls all around the globe swoon over him, except in real life. Derek has to stop himself from staring at a mole right over Stiles’ lip and remind himself of the reason for the call. “I’m the one that’s been rejecting a thousand guys for you.” 

 “I’m sorry, rejecting guys? I don’t understand. At all.” 

 “You’ve given my number to Theo. And Miguel. And Chris. And so many other o…” 

 “No! No, no. I gave them a FAKE number!” 

 “Which isn’t as fake as you think ‘cause it’s mine!” Derek is starting to raise his voice dangerously: the guy is cute but the anger wins the battle. He waits impatiently as he watches Stiles fall silent and recline his gaming chair. 

 “Oh shit I fucked up.” 

 “Fuck yes.” 

 “I thought I was being super smart making up a number but I… Shit, man. I’m sorry I bothered you, I didn’t mean to.” At least he seems like he’s sorry for real, Derek thinks. But there’s nothing wrong with torturing him a little bit more.

 “You gave them two different numbers, actually.” 

 “Yeah, now that you say…” 

 “I just talked with the other number. Her name is Malia and what she’s seen has left her scarred for life.” 

 “What did she see?” Stiles is starting to look like he is actually scared. God knows what kind of perverts he’s been meeting the past month. 

 “Receiving texts from random creeps? I cannot picture what those dicks might have sent her.” 

 “Shit. I’m so, so sorry, man.” And he looks like he is, glistening eyes staring into the screen. Derek shifts his position uncomfortably. He’s paying too much attention at this cute guy’s eyes and he’s starting to feel weird for making fun of him. And his mouth, actually. And his nose. Well, fuck. “How can I make it up to you?” 

 “’S alright, man. Just stop it, okay? If another guy calls me or Malia telling us your sexual preferences, I’ll find you and kill you. Otherwise, we’re cool.” Derek flashes his eyes red for a split second, so quick Stiles probably doesn’t even notice it. 

 “Yes, of course, it won’t happen again. I just... Sorry. Bye” Stiles rushes to end the call, face going red with embarrassment. He actually looks like he learned the lesson. Good. Derek texts both Malia and Lydia updating them on the situation and prepares to forget about Stiles for good. 

 

 Except the next day, he is interrupted at work by a person running down the alley. A very young man with dark hair and slightly shorter than him is approaching, with a smug grin on his face: 

 “You thought I wouldn’t recognize you?” He whispers. “Derek, Alfa of the Hale Pack. You thought I wouldn’t find you?” 

 Derek shivers, his whole face turning so white it could be used to write on a chalkboard. Who is this Stiles person really? He composes himself quickly, or at least he pretends to be composed, and comes two steps closer. “What do you know about my pack and what do you want from us?”

 “Oh, I know everything about the California packs, scaredwolf. It’s my job” Stiles explains with his hands on his pockets, acting nonchalant, leaning forward. “Everything but your number, I didn’t know that.” 

 “But what are you?” 

 “I’m the Emmisary of the McCall Pack and that’s all you need to know for now.” Stiles smiles wildly as Derek realizes who is in front of him: he is Stilinski, self-named The Human, advisor of the newest pack in the area. He is known for having never-seen-before powers and winning in combat to some of the greatest werewolves in town. He is also very obviously not a human, but nobody knows his real kind. Derek has to remind himself that Stiles was afraid of him last night in order to keep talking: 

 “So, what you are telling me is that the acclaimed Human is a fuckboy?” Derek cocks his brow, stepping even nearer Stiles. “Does your Alpha know what you’re up to every night?” 

 “Yeah, Scottie’s my bestie, we have no secrets. Although,” he stops himself “what I do in my free time is not my pack’s business.” They are so closer now; he can’t look at Derek’s whole face at once, so his glance darts between his eyes and mouth, not sure of which action feels less intimidating. 

 “So?” Derek wonders. “What do you want from me?” 

 “Had I met you just right now, I would want your number. But at this point I think I have everything I want.” Stiles closes the few inches between them and gives Derek the fastest peck on his lips, almost as an involuntary reflex. “I’ll let you get back to work.” Stiles turns around and starts to walk away, but he stops when he hears Derek asking him: 

 “Will I see you again?” he squeals, need overflowing his voice. 

 “Of course you will. I’m just a text away.” And, as fast as he showed up, Stiles is gone. 

 Derek suddenly feels like cold water washing over him. He didn’t know he was paralyzed, but he can move now. His brain is telling him to be wary of Stiles’ tricks, but the most animalistic part of himself wants to run after the Human and pin him down to the ground, joining the ranks of TheNO and Co. It is with great effort that he carries on and goes back to his brooding stance. 

 

 This only last a couple of days. After that, his wolf brain and his monkey brain combine their forces for hours to compose a text that is not too embarrassing. 

Derek: Hi, it’s me. I was wondering if you’d like to go out for a drink? 

Asshole: who’s this? 

Derek: Really? 

Derek: Forget it 

Asshole: just kiddin’ 

Asshole: don’t be too mad, sourwolf 

Asshole: but yes, I would love to make business with your pack 

Derek: That’s not what I meant really 

Asshole: that’s not what I mean either 

Asshole: but I didn’t think that “yes, let me suck you all night” would be polite 

Derek: Jesus Fucking Christ 

Asshole: I was thinking more of Stiles Fucking Derek 

Asshole: are you down or not? 

Derek: I’m down for the drink 

Derek: All of your previous sex partners sound so... 

Derek: So hopeless, I don’t want to be one of them yet 

Asshole: drinks it is then. I'll pick you up 

Derek: You don’t know where I live 

Asshole: no, but I know where your pack meets 

 Derek huffs while texting the details for their date. A date. With the Human. The almighty Emmisary that apparently knows too much already about him. Man, where is he getting into? 

 

 A couple of weeks later Derek is laying on the couch, thinking about that date. It didn’t go too bad, after all. In fact, it went so well they repeated it a few times. Right now, Stiles is sitting next to him, dozing off to an extremely boring TV movie with his head over Derek’s shoulder. It’s just peaceful, and Derek loves the feeling. Stiles is usually a tornado but sometimes, in moments like this, it’s pure unaltered bliss. But, of course, it’s Saturday, so his phone vibrates: 

TheNO: hey handsome 

TheNO: wanna have fun tonight? 

 Derek takes a quick selfie, making sure Stiles is visible, and sends it. 

Derek: As you can imagine, I’m pretty busy right now 

TheNO: you two together now? 

TheNO: congrats! 

TheNO: that’s hot, thought 

TheNO: wanna have fun tonight? 

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from IDKHOW's "Bleed Magic" 'cause it was the first song I could think of with magic in the title


End file.
